9 / 4 / 2020 -

Happy September~ I think this is my favorite month in the whole year! Besides October, anways, heh~ The transition from summer to autumn always makes me feel so inspired--something about the air turning crisper is just so soothing to my soul.

I feel like my site has gotten kinda boring. All I've managed to do lately is update my diary and such. I've done some work on my shrines, but not enough to really publish anything...As time escapes me more and more, I've become rather frustrated that all of my ideas for my site haven't panned out yet.... (even with being quarantined and all...) I'd like to get one more update in before my classes start next week. Hopefully I'll add some more to my links page...but even if something happens and I can't manage that, I just want to earnestly say thank you to whoever is out there reading this !

I opened up the vintage suitcase I wanted to turn into a portable altar, and...well...it turns out that I had already turned it into an art project years ago. I can't believe I had completely forgotten about it!! It was a surprise, to say the least. After staring at it for awhile, I can vaguely remember the assignment, now... But it's really cringy--I think it was supposed to be like a "story of my life" kind of scultpure, but in my 18-year-old head that meant ripping apart my old poetry journals, glueing down ripped apart toys, and smearing red paint like blood stains on everything. Haaaah.... I was a traumacore kid before it was cool!!

At least it gave me a good laugh when I found it. I'd like to think being able to see the light in something that once brought you so much pain is good--it's a sign of growth.

The last tarot spread I did was interesting. The final message was that my negative mindset is self-sabotaging: that there's great things on the horizon, I just shouldn't let my anxiety and pessimism get in the way when it comes to chasing my dreams....It's a lot easier said than done, but I'll do my best! ;__;7

Today is the one year anniversary of my grandmother's death. She's been visiting, I think. The last vision I had of her she was wandering about her old property, by the pond--her hair was long and she was in a colorful dress. She looked peaceful. I'd go into more detail but I'm not super comfortable getting into my spirit communication here...But I'm feeling okay, for the most part. Grief is weird, and hits whenever it wants to: sometimes at times that aren't appropriate at all. My mom is taking my grandfather to visit her at the cemetary today--I'm more worried about their mental well-being than mine.

I got really upset last night because I got into an argument with my mom when she was drunk. Well, maybe argument isn't the right word...more like she was intoxicated and throwing a tantrum, and I just happened to be nearby to get the brunt of it. I don't know if it's worth getting into the particulars, because I don't think she even remembers it now...But this extra emotional stress is really tiresome...

But overall things are okay! I got a lot of laundry and cleaning done the other day. My new vanilla incense smells so good! My teachers are starting to reach out about the start of classes--I'm nervous but excited. I'll see my friends for another picnic this weekend. Happy days are coming~